I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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