she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize