dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and she was petting her beer can
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
