Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
