i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
