His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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