He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
