So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
