She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
