So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize