We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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