Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
