You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
