Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
