yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
