i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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