i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
