Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
