Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize