Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Two words: nipple clamps
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