so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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