he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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