I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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