i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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