I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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