We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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