She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize