there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
