i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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