nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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