ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
