I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
