I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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