yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
