Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
