he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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