It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
