walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
