Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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