i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
