marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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