garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
