Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize