We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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