YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
