do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
