New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
