My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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