He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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