the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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