I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She bit a glass in half.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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