Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
please come you make the beer taste better
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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