I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
