I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
