ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
