Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
