I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
