I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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