I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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