so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
