Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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