I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
