But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are a genius and a whore.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize