just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
