The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize