i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
