I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
