You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
