My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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