I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
