maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
