apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
