I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
