hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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