Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
