insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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