I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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