I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
