So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize