She said her name was "party"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
