I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Congratulations! We have a period
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
