How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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