I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize