she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
