I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
