Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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