i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
