Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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