Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
