I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
