I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
