So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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