WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
